This is taking a lot of guts for me to click the "publish" button.
So here's what I've really been up to the last 5 months. Forgive the long story.
I've gone up and down in my weight since high school and always been in the overweight or obese BMI category. Back in December I realized my weight had gotten out of hand . . . again. I had let myself go because I was "nursing" and therefore deserved extra calories. Not to mention Jossy is a royal handful most days and chocolate and munchies were the only thing that I felt could get me through the day! I'm an emotional eater. I absolutely knew it but since I acknowledged it and wasn't in denial, I also just chose to accept it and not change. Really, my habits were horrible. Almost every night I'd sit on the couch after the kids went to bed and binge eat on chips and salsa, peanut butter and chocolate chips, and any other goodies that would make me "feel better" after a long exhausting day. I had actually gotten within 5 lbs of my pre-pregnancy weight with Lacey soon after she was born, but by December I was up to just ABOVE my pregnancy weight. Ugh. That really bothered me, enough to change.
When it came time for New Year resolutions, I refused to be one of those "I want to lose weight" people who gave up 2 months later. So I didn't make that my resolution. I waited a whole week before deciding to change things. (Such a rebel, I know!) Part of my motivation was the hope that we'd be going to Hawaii in May for our anniversary, so we set a goal together to each lose 20 lbs by then. I didn't want to be embarrassed to wear a swimsuit on the beach!
At first I just cut back portions a little, and steadily lost about 6 lbs in a few weeks. "Easy enough," I thought. "Maybe I should actually work out again, too." So at the beginning of February I started with my trusty copy of Jillian Michael's
30 Day Shred. I was on day 2 when I thought, "Huh. I've never done this for 30 days strait. I wonder how well it works." So I went searching on the internet for before and after pictures. Most of the pictures were from forums on one website,
My Fitness Pal, which also had a calorie counting app I could download for my brand new Kindle Fire we had bought the day before. I was astounded by the pictures and decided I was going to do it. So on Day 2 I downloaded the MFP app and took "before" pictures. I wanted to cry taking those pictures. In fact, I think I did. I was so disgusted with myself, but I tried to use those feelings as fuel. I never allowed myself any excuse not to work out for those 30 days (except Sundays). I worked out no matter what: colds, period, too tired. It didn't matter.
I was going to do this. For once my stubbornness was a good thing.
That was a long 30+ days. I usually did it in the morning either during Lacey's naptime or right after she was up so that she was happier. I often had to pause the 25-minute video to get someone a snack or stop their fighting, but I told myself it was okay because at least I was doing it! It was a little funny how every time I went on the floor for ab work, Lacey would take that as an open invitation to come lay on me or crawl over me. But I just kept going even with her on me.
Over the 30 workouts, I lost around 9 lbs and tons of inches. I started doing the 30 Day Shred every other day to keep my strength gains and filling in the rest of the days with elliptical, Zumba on the Wii or classes at the church, with an occasional Tae Bo workout or something else thrown in there. The amount of weight loss slowed down, but it was still an average of 1 lb a week, totally healthy. I met my 20 lb loss mark I believe in early April, and then hit my pre-pregnancy weight ON Lacey's first birthday. That weight marked my lowest weight in my adult life, so everything I lost past that felt like new territory to me. I worked out every day on our trip to Hawaii and managed not to gain more than half a pound. (Eating perfectly healthy was a lot harder there but I did my absolute best and didn't let my vacation turn into another excuse.)
Today was a big milestone, hence the blog post. It's been just a few days past my 5 month mark, and as of today I hit exactly 30 pounds lost!! I have roughly 2 more pounds before hitting a major goal for me, and that's a healthy BMI for my height. I originally wanted to stop there thinking that goal alone felt impossible, but now I have so many more fitness goals past that which I'm really excited for. I've lost 2 clothing sizes and would like to lose at least one more.
It's hard for me when someone notices my weight loss and says, "What have you been doing?" They just want a quick answer, but I don't have one. I work out typically 6 days a week at least 25 minutes. I log absolutely EVERYTHING I eat in my MFP app (which has literally changed my life.) I've done hours and hours of research about health and fitness I never expected to. I know my BMR (basal metabolic rate) and I try to net at least that many calories a day. For a while there I thought more workouts meant more weight loss, but after plateauing for a bit when working out twice a day I learned that the more I workout the more calories I needed to consume. Wrapping my brain around "Eat more to weight less" was a huge mental struggle for me. I weigh and measure my food using a food scale for most things. I calculate the calories using my app for every recipe I make. I eat every 2-3 hours, 6 small meals a day. I drink a lot more water (though still not what I should.) I still eat chocolate, cake, ice cream and such but only if I really want it, only in the correct portion sizes, and only if there's room in my caloric budget. I no longer eat every sample at Costco because it's free food, but only the ones I really want to try and am willing to log calories for. I chew gum or drink water when I feel like munching but I know I'm not hungry or it hasn't been 2 hours yet. I decided to not let my emotional eating control me, which has been a huge challenge. I finally invested in a heart rate monitor so that I can actually know how many calories I'm burning as opposed to just having the MFP estimates. I get on the MFP website regularly to read success stories for inspiration. Reading their stories and seeing pictures pushes me to keep going every day. I repeat to myself the phrase "No excuses!" Every reason I have for not working out I can see as an excuse and only allow myself out of it for an occasional sick day (but I have to be VERY sick) or some other extremely rare and crazy circumstance. "I'm too busy" or "too tired" just doesn't cut it. I love to get my workout in first thing to get it over with, but more often than not it's been 9 or 10 PM before I can get to it. No excuses.
Now for pictures. I love looking at other people's before and after photos, but it's a lot harder to share these with people here on my blog as opposed to the strangers on MFP. I'm proud of my accomplishments, but it's also very hard for me not to just focus on all the areas I still need to work on and how much more I still have to lose. I'm sure I'm much harder on myself than anyone else is. I have heard the brain takes longer to catch up to seeing the new you and not the old one. I don't think I really understood that until experiencing it. Pictures help me see the changes over just looking in the mirror.
The picture from February is on day 2 of the 30 day shred. I had lost 6 lbs by this point. Sadly, that wasn't even close to my highest adult weight. The March picture was after finishing all 30 workouts, so there's a 9 lb difference between 1 and 2. The 3rd picture was last week. I think it's about a 12 lb difference between those last 2. I'm trying really hard not to suck in on these which is hard to do when you know you're getting your picture taken. It's a natural reaction!
Here are a few more random ones I quickly grabbed just to show how my face has changed.
I don't know why sharing these feels so embarrassing, but this journey has been a major part of my life the last 6 months and I don't want to ignore it on here. I've lost weight before (never down to this point on the scale) but each time it's really been in an attempt to get pregnant. After I get pregnant and have the baby, I go back to just below my starting point. But not this time. I'm not doing this to get pregnant. I'm doing it for ME! I'm doing it to have energy and feel good about myself. I'm doing it to believe my husband when he tells me I'm beautiful. I'm doing it to avoid all the health problems that come from being overweight. I'm doing this so I can wear clothes I want to and not just the ones that hide my flaws. I'm doing it to prove I CAN succeed at this. I absolutely hate the word "diet." This isn't a diet. This is being active and eating healthy and not letting "life" take over my health. I don't make perfect choices all the time, but I'm doing much better than before!
Now if you made it all the way through reading that, go get yourself a cookie. You earned it. ;)
ETA: This post was originally titled "6 Months in the Making" but I had to change the 6 to a 5. Guess I shouldn't do any math late at night! LOL
